Monday, 9 March 2009

Cap - Female Appreciation 102

Grossly misleading title. I stole it of my number 2 in command (

But I figured, Cap - Vagina defender would make me out to be the kinda guy who wears a pink neckerchief (is that a word?) and says things like "I love your hair"...Or a professional cock-blocker (I'm blogging about that some time)

So for those who've never heard me say anything positive about anything ... Here are some things that win about women.

1. Women are clean. - Who's ever heard "God my girlfriend needs to shave more and use more perfume?". Even the biggest tomboy is clean. Plus the sight of your socks and hoodies are too much for them to bare to the point where they will either fold away or wash them. Plus they smell nice. They smell like things my cojones won't let me smell in public. i.e. Flowers and fruits.

2. Women are impressed by things that dudes aren't impressed by. - My second youngest brother (Cap the 2nd.) played "Californication" to an american girl in our area. Hmm..If he played Californication amongst dudes...The response would be "...That song is piss easy. Go home yuppie" She took it as cause for "Awwww." I'm pretty sure he got a hug too.

3. Women are short. So a dude with the biggest napoelon complex is put at ease by the average woman. Bear in mind I'm 6ft 3 inches *strokes sideburns* so I don't have to worry about any of that malarkey (Write it down. Best word ever)

4. Women don't say what they mean. - So if like me, You like puzzles - Find yourself a woman. And have fun figuring her out.

5. A woman hot enough can eradicate all your wordly concerns for a minimum of 30 seconds.

I locked myself out of the Cap cave about 3 weeks ago and had to spend the whole day slunking around Westminster whilst my uncle brought me my keys. On my travels along oxford street, I saw a bird so ridiculously fine that I almost dribbled and consequently forgot about being a nomad. (Note I said almost)

6. Women tend to be dynamite cooks - If they're not dynamite cooks, They tend to be dynamite somewhere else. (Yeah, i'm talking about Chess, Gears Of War or Tic Tac Toe or all three perhaps. Does such a woman exist?!)

7. Women will fake interest in anything that means something to you. - I've never faked interest in anything a girl likes...(Fair play, I am somewhat of a tool.) but yeah....I dated a girl who hated Metal, Rock AND Jazz...But while we were dating, She grinned and smiled...hating it all the while. (I knew this of course. But top marks for effort.)

8. Women are exactly 90000 times less shallow than men. There I said it...Although I'm an exception as I see smart women (Regardless of appearance) the same way Mix-A-Lot sees women with great arses. - If you're artsy/hilarious/sincere/Good at poker/A bit of a tool, A good woman might just give you the time of day.

9. Women are DOPE muses. - You think Clapton wrote "Layla" about George Harrison? ****, He wrote it about Harrisons wife (That's game.) Be it musically, mathematically or lyrically..A good woman can set the wheels in a motion so fierce that it can only be stopped by their leaving.

10. Women have magical powers - No man can make two chicks tell embarassing stories about each other or celebrate with a shirt removal then double backflip during a football match.. Although I always issue a disclaimer to my fellow males when in the company of chicks - If anyone tries to clown me due to the presence of women, I will hit you with a Shaolin palm strike then smack you with a bamboo long staff.

So yeah. Womens FTW.

Thanks for reading.



  1. Go women, go women! You love us. And you love me most of all. Second in command though? Ok, I'll let you keep thinking that.

    Great post Senor Creed.

  2. I first read number 6 as: "women are dynamite cocks," and I was all, no, no, no, you are confused about girls and boys again, but then I reread it slowly and it made more sense. Except I am a horrible cook. But I am a dynamite restaurant picker-outer.

  3. These are true! Especially, in my case, the parts about being short and puzzling. Thanks for defending our vaginas. It gets tiresome swatting away predators all the time.

  4. I totally tried commenting on this yesterday but my internet would not allow me to and after twenty seconds of trying I gave up because my brain was running out my nose.

    You forgot that we are always right even when we are wrong which makes us all insanely genius.