Monday, 6 April 2009

Hello All.

I figured I haven't posted in a while. I also figure that I don't care for witty enticing titles either.

So I'm gonna share my current interests/mindstate/bla bla bla with you.

I've rediscovered my love of Jazz. One of the main reasons I stopped listening to Jazz is because I began to resent what it stood for. At its inception, Poor yet musically liberated people would get together and improvise round the simplest of melodies and chord progressions for minutes on end. They wore suits to represent the classiness of the genre not it's financial insinuations.

Nowadays, the jazz scene is anus. It's nothing but pretentious yuppies in suits that cost more than all my musical instruments trying to shhh me because I'm tapping my feet to the rhythm. (Yeah, I said yuppie.) I love it but I can't help think that Jazz is becoming another genre that's been userped by the middle class...Not all sides of the dice, but that's a story for another time.

But because Jazz is better than your favourite genre of music and cooler than James Bond with an Afro brandishing nunchucks....

I'm also learning the trumpet now, So I can officially carry a tune/beat on:

Bass Guitar

On the subject of trumpet...and general awesomeness.

Here's Tin Tin Deo by Dizzy Gilespie. (The bass is pure unadulterated illness)

I've also started riding bikes more. Initially bikes were just my way of beating insomnia...Y'know riding around late at night in a full face helmet...Tapping wasted club goers on the back and listening to them freak out as I rode away. Y'know, the usual.

But I've started to get a kick of how free and reckless I feel when I'm riding. Plus, whistling at women whilst on any kind of vehicle beats doing it on foot..Not that I whistle at women.

I've also started making less with the genius. Why? Boring. Too much to think about. I had a buddy ask me a really long winded question about why his life sucks...and I said to him "Usually, I'd have something zen and enlightening to say to you, but you just need to chill out." So im giving advice and taking my own at the same time..Plus, I think the current trend is being moderately stupid again. First there was being a pseudo intellectual who prefixes every sentence with "Technically" then there was the pseudo-idiot who prefixes every sentence with "uhhhhhhh."

So I think I'll sit on the one between "Technically" and "uhhhhh"

Oh and before I go scare yuppies with my new Jason Mask,

Here are some things I don't currently approve of.

Yuppies. - Why? Yuppies are bad in bed. Yuppies are nosey. Yuppie rhymes with puppy and puppies are the most overrated pet ever.

People who don't like turtles. - Turtles are better than you. Why? Because turtles live at their own pace. I think people would have less to PMS about if they sat the fuck back and relaxed for 30 seconds or minutes. Like a turtle.

Rock/Metal fans who rag on hip hop. - I used to be a bigger fan of Metal than Hip Hop...But I think the weasel style (Yeah I made that up after watching Drunken Master...Who fights with "Weasel Style"? sounds weak right?) arguments about "Where are the guitar solos and drums? Rap isn't music" are starting to rub me up.

Why? Because any intelligent musician knows that being able to play an instrument does not elevate you musically above people. I think that particular band of queens needs to take instrumentalism off of a pedestal and throw their hangups in a dustbin.

Scene kids - What is clever or interesting about saying things like "Sup, I'm rad" and "I eat ghosts" and "my hair is my life"?

And lastly, Dishonesty in women. - Ok. Everyone knows women are dishonest. But the fact that they won't admit they're dishonest bothers me.

On a more positive note

I'm seeing Guru and 9th wonder on satuday and sunday respectively.

This will probably be the last time I blog for another while (Not that you care.)

But enjoy it.



Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Why Cap Wins...

I was influenced by Anna...Who was influenced by Nikki...Who was influenced by.Well actually I don't know. But Im sure there was some influential malarkey going on there. Plus, I haven't got this tagging business down.

1. I'm the best hypocrite alive. - For example:

- iPhones are for tools. You're in most cases a terrible human being if you have one.

I have an iPhone. And it's fucking amazing. I can order random takeout with it and hear random Mr T soundbytes that aren't really relevant to anything. Plus, I recently got a girls number and got a map to her house in the same conversation. Can your phone do that? CAN IT?!

I have no qualms about setting rules that only I can break.

2. I amuse myself. A lot - I think stupid things are funny. Like the word "nipple" (You don't know how much i'm laughing as I type this. I think voice boxing the solo to stairway to heaven is sweet....So is going "You could say it was a bridge too far" when a really dry singer can't hit the notes in the bridge of a song. Fnah nyah nyah.

3. I'm a regular Renaissance Man. Seriously. - I don't care if that makes me sound sucked into my own anus. It's true.

How many people do you know who can do all of the following?

1. Play 5 Musical Instruments. As well as read and write music.
2. Beast at sports.
3. Be one of the best IN THE WORLD at a video game
4. Write well.
5. Draw well.
6. Drop knowledge like it can't be carried.
7. Put Academics on smash.
8. Make funnies.
9. Stay as cool as the Cheetos Cheetah. "THERE IS NO FUCKING DRUMMER BETTER THAN NEIL PEART" (Cookie for reference)
10. Pick up the womens with really stupid lines like "How do you feel about Cliches?"

4. I'm idolised by my brothers. - Do you know epic it is to hear "Watch when I get my brother to beat you up." It's like being told you're god... or "You'll be upgraded to Business class sir"

5. I have a young face. - Do you know how fucking sweet that is? I hear you think "You probably can't get into 18 cert films or buy porn". I have ID and a card that says, "I've done the following"

- Played face trade off solo's with the following: Buckethead, Dimebag, Hendrix, King, Guy and Morello.
- Saved the white rhino from extinction.
- Punched Jake Gyllenhaal, Clive Owen and Chris Tucker in the face.
- Beaten Neo at Table tennis.

Plus..Have you ever seen the face of someone with grey hair getting schooled by someone who looks young enough to be their grandson?

I apologise for not linking anyone...It's hard.

Thanks for reading.

Monday, 9 March 2009

Cap - Female Appreciation 102

Grossly misleading title. I stole it of my number 2 in command (

But I figured, Cap - Vagina defender would make me out to be the kinda guy who wears a pink neckerchief (is that a word?) and says things like "I love your hair"...Or a professional cock-blocker (I'm blogging about that some time)

So for those who've never heard me say anything positive about anything ... Here are some things that win about women.

1. Women are clean. - Who's ever heard "God my girlfriend needs to shave more and use more perfume?". Even the biggest tomboy is clean. Plus the sight of your socks and hoodies are too much for them to bare to the point where they will either fold away or wash them. Plus they smell nice. They smell like things my cojones won't let me smell in public. i.e. Flowers and fruits.

2. Women are impressed by things that dudes aren't impressed by. - My second youngest brother (Cap the 2nd.) played "Californication" to an american girl in our area. Hmm..If he played Californication amongst dudes...The response would be "...That song is piss easy. Go home yuppie" She took it as cause for "Awwww." I'm pretty sure he got a hug too.

3. Women are short. So a dude with the biggest napoelon complex is put at ease by the average woman. Bear in mind I'm 6ft 3 inches *strokes sideburns* so I don't have to worry about any of that malarkey (Write it down. Best word ever)

4. Women don't say what they mean. - So if like me, You like puzzles - Find yourself a woman. And have fun figuring her out.

5. A woman hot enough can eradicate all your wordly concerns for a minimum of 30 seconds.

I locked myself out of the Cap cave about 3 weeks ago and had to spend the whole day slunking around Westminster whilst my uncle brought me my keys. On my travels along oxford street, I saw a bird so ridiculously fine that I almost dribbled and consequently forgot about being a nomad. (Note I said almost)

6. Women tend to be dynamite cooks - If they're not dynamite cooks, They tend to be dynamite somewhere else. (Yeah, i'm talking about Chess, Gears Of War or Tic Tac Toe or all three perhaps. Does such a woman exist?!)

7. Women will fake interest in anything that means something to you. - I've never faked interest in anything a girl likes...(Fair play, I am somewhat of a tool.) but yeah....I dated a girl who hated Metal, Rock AND Jazz...But while we were dating, She grinned and smiled...hating it all the while. (I knew this of course. But top marks for effort.)

8. Women are exactly 90000 times less shallow than men. There I said it...Although I'm an exception as I see smart women (Regardless of appearance) the same way Mix-A-Lot sees women with great arses. - If you're artsy/hilarious/sincere/Good at poker/A bit of a tool, A good woman might just give you the time of day.

9. Women are DOPE muses. - You think Clapton wrote "Layla" about George Harrison? ****, He wrote it about Harrisons wife (That's game.) Be it musically, mathematically or lyrically..A good woman can set the wheels in a motion so fierce that it can only be stopped by their leaving.

10. Women have magical powers - No man can make two chicks tell embarassing stories about each other or celebrate with a shirt removal then double backflip during a football match.. Although I always issue a disclaimer to my fellow males when in the company of chicks - If anyone tries to clown me due to the presence of women, I will hit you with a Shaolin palm strike then smack you with a bamboo long staff.

So yeah. Womens FTW.

Thanks for reading.


Thursday, 5 March 2009

Now for some things that make me smile.

Or smirk. Yeah, Go with smirk. I like that word. "S-m-uh-r-k".

1. Music. - I know it's cliche and I know it's more general than saying "I like doing stuff". But seriously...Music has had my back from day one. And you know what makes that better? I own at the music too ^_^. I got kinda clowned on by a big wig at the office I work at...I went home and played "Under The Bridge" on my guitar, I felt at peace.. Cool right?

Right now, I'm HOOKED on this version of "My Favourite Things" by John Coltrane. So much so, I'm actually considering learning the saxamaphone. (No it isn't spelt "Saxaphone". It's spelt "SAXA-MA-PHONE". Plus, I'm sure i'd be able to pick up a lot more womens (That's right. "Womens") with the line "Hallo, I'm Cap and I play the Sax."

2. Laughs/Jokes/Jibes - As a good friend once stated so well "For a so called "Genius", You laugh at the most stupid **** I've ever come across"." Which is kinda true. For example, In an episode of Family Guy, Chris gets bullied by the new paper boy "Kyle". Kyle pushes chris over and begins to laugh. One of Kyle's friends points and says "HAHA! I have that shirt at home." I was rolling on the floor. Literally, That's all it takes.

I was on youtube the other day watching some kid's guitar lesson on "Dani California". Some guy commented "Nice mullet you ****ing redneck" I've offically never laughed so hard in my life.

3. Autumn/Winter - Yes summer lets you check out women a lot easier. Yes if you spend all your time in the Gym, You can wear a vest for 3 months.

But I just love winter...Seriously. Something about the cold air, and the way the wind whistles through the trees is really calming for me.

4. Knowledge - I don't read books...And I don't watch much TV, But i'm still obsessed with chasing knowledge, And I'm not really sure where I get it from. But It makes me happy..And when I eventually go back to University and get my weird looking hat, I'll be pleased my knowledge can be placed on a wall...Or thrown at people who doubt it. (I'm aware Academics aren't synonymous with Genius, Try not to rain on my parade).

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Overrated? Crap in general?

In honour of the Lovely Ms. Russell. ( I call her lovely because I was always taught that birds (Thats women for the american inclined) liked to be called lovely.) I'd like to be called Pac-Man..But I guess this will be a blog of wishes granted by halves.

Here are some things that get too much praise/I just don't really like.

There will be no pictures for you either. I might be an office IT geek..But the only things I know how to do on a PC consistantly are download Nature films (Best eupemism alive right?) and spy on who is sending weird emails to each other...Oh and type absurdly quickly. I clocked like 90 words per minute this morning...Sweet right?

1. Having a smart boyfriend/girlfriend/Pet turtle.

I love genius. I feel the way about Genius Mix-A-Lot feels about women with large arses (thats "asses" for the american inclined...I see the american inclined getting annoyed by that..But you know me by now...I just couldn't care less.)

But the day a girl i'm dating appears substantially smarter than me, I'm dropping a "It's not me, It's you speech." See...When people are smarter than you (Substantially)..They can/will manipulate you. They'll probably deny it with a wicked fusion of their general hotness and genius anyway.

But yeah, I'm gonna throw conkers at the next girl who says "I wish my boyfriend was smart like you..." Because you don't really...And if that was the case, I Wouldn't be your ex-boyfriend.

2. People who don't do stuff to the Ruggedology standard.

Ruggedology is my religion/life philosophy. It basically revolves around the idea of Not caring about asthetics and having cool names for things.

For example...What the frig is the deal with people who say "I could care less." What does that mean? What do you mean YOU COULD care less...You either don't care or you're indifferent...Quit trying to be artsy ya Tewl (I brought out the scottish for that.) The expression is "I COULDN'T CARE LESS." as in...I so don't care to the point whereby any less care wouldn't be possible.

And girls who touch my stuff? (That's not a euphemism...You probably werern't thinking it was a euphemism until i said that..Hmm. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!) Anyway, I don't touch your copies of Vogue or your Bong shaped like Jenifer Lopez (Yeah, I date real screw-ups) So what makes you think you can touch:

My guitars?(You touching my musical instruments is the equivalent of a man walking up to a woman and honking on her arse)...On a bad enough day, You could get knocked the **** out. (Oh, I'm bleeping my expletives...because: 1)It's supposed to be my news years resolution. 2) I like to read how witty I am when i'm at work. (Take that "Incoherent ramblings" aka "I swear so much that IT have websensed my page")

3. Girls who talk dirty in a really tacky way. - I'd prefer if my conquests (I don't consider women conquests but I've been waiting for 4 hours and 17 minutes to use that word..So i'm gonna anyway) didn't sound like a poorly dubbed 70's Porno. "I'm sooo hot for you".. Really? You are?. Here's me thinking you're in my ****hole of a flat because you hate me.

4. Being Unique - WTF does that even mean? The only thing unique about us as human is If..You, Me and your cousin Ernest were arrested, Our fingerprints wouldn't match. (I apologise to anyone with a Cousin named ernest...It's just one of those names).

I officially hate people with screen names like "I was born an original, So I won't die a fake" and "I was like this before it was cool".

Let me tell you some things about me that are classed as unique by froobs (A froob is a yogurt that comes in a tube. Coincidentally, Most people who have froobs in their lunches are froobs.)

1. I like to hum guitar riffs quite loudly and sing in a really corny way.
2. I laugh at my own jokes. I think i'm hilarious. Even if you don't think so, I Do. So eat a digestive. (Best biscuit ever)
3. I'm anti-bright clothes. Infact i'm so drab looking, I'm starting to understand why i'm single..(No one wore orange spandex leggings in the 80's ..That piece of faeces who sold you them lied to you..(Who takes any kind of advice from a grown man wearing lenseless glasses?)
4. I walk out in the middle of conversations i've grown bored of.
5. I like to make really low-brow jokes/popular culture references. I.e. If someone named Robin falls over, I'll say "You could say he needed Batman just then" and laugh maniacally.

None of those are original...Someone and their cousin Ernest does the exact same things and gets the exact same enjoyment out of them.

5. My greatest pet peeve right now.


You are all very very very annoying. I hope you bite your tongue and then fall into a puddle that smells just bad enough for you to get ridiculed at your job/cult/general daytime actvity.

1. I'm from North West London...I live near a few landmarks...Namely Madame Tussauds. (Y'know the gob**** fest that has tewls from all over the globe getting the feelings over waxworks of Angelina Jolie.

No one uses the words "Shawty" or "Playa" here. There are no "Pigs" or "Po-Po" and no one "makes it rain".

You're a crime against human breeding for thinking otherwise. Quit watching MTV and embrace how brilliant you sound normally.

I like my london accent..It's amazing. It allows me to slip insults to tourists than punctuate my sentences with my trademark "..what?" and they're like "What?" and i'm like "I didn't say anything."

Now to quote my youngest brother (Cap the 3rd)...

You all need to "Move outta the way"..I'm off to watch the Matrix. Again...

Thanks for reading..

Monday, 2 February 2009

Cap Jack Treasures - J-Rawls - The Liquid Crystal Project

J-Rawls - The Liquid Crystal Project.

There's nothing sweeter than Jazz...Well hip hop is almost as sweet. But I mean...You could fuse the two and stuff to produce an album that is literally perfect.

You might know of J-Rawls for producing like 1-2 cuts off of "BlackStar" - Mos and Kweli's eponymous debut. And like a lot of artists in the game,(Mos Def, Captain Kirk, Guru) He has his own band.

So yeah...It's basically his band doing hip hop instrumental covers with a live band....100% organic. Think "Organix" or "Do You Want More?!?! with no MC and less band-Jam type arrangements.

The beauty of this album is that it's not neccesarily really obvious covers that make you go -_-. But within that, He covers some stuff that makes you go "oh yeah...I remember that"

The stand outs on the album for me were:

"A Tribute To T.R.O.Y." - Which as its name suggests is a cover of Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth's "They Reminisce Over You" which originally sampled Tom Scott's "Today".

The song starts off with some chopped sampling from the Tom Scott original with a little hi-hat going off in the background.

Then as the drums opens up with a kinda marching band snare roll, One of the illest Alto Sax(Could be tenor...Don't quote me) breaks jumps off into the verse which is just swept along by some real mellow key work...Kinda like the "Electric Piano" you got from your Yamaha back in the day.

Best thing about this track is that it's not too busy. There's no douchebaggery by the keyboard player or the Sax player going solo wildly. The drums are always in the pocket..They keys get busy from 1:40-ish to 2:40 which lets you remember a melody other than the signature Sax break (Which re-appears. Don't worry)

Keep On Runnin - Think one of the illest dilla beats...Runnin by The Pharcyde right? Yeah...This is melodic on a different level. Some silky key work...Once again, No forced groove. Just the band in the pocket along with some weird airy sound in the background..(i dunno if its a second synth set to strings or a modified electric violin? Either way it's dope).

There's also sweet Neo-Soul moments, A Tribute to Dilla and some of the better synth work and Sax use you'll hear on a hip hop style record.

The album gets my full seal of approval....The 5 Cap rating. It's the most i've been touched by an instrumental album since "Donuts".

Get it here ( - But if you CAN, Cop it. If not, Enjoy it anyway (:

"I don't **** with politics. I ain't no black activist on a so-called scholar's ****."

Hmmm...First off, It's snowing today. I'ts also colder than a nun's muff...Okay maybe not that cold. But pretty cold.

Second of all, I was listening to "Swordsman" one of the dopest cuts from "Liquid Swords" by the Genius himself. (Inspiration for the blog title) Then i got to thinking, In the midst of Obama being sworn in, Rappers jumping on the political bandwagon to the point where it's gonna crash into the side of someones house..are these politics even relevant.

You're probably thinking..."WTF...Cap, Your favourite band is called "Rage Against The Machine" and i'm sure i saw you wearing a China national team football shirt.."

I like to think i can differentiate between being aware of and holding a lot of respect for certain aspects of politics and idealising the relevance of politics in my day to day life.

See...My theory is (and it's not particularly complex) that politics as an idea as music holds a certain connotation that the elitist and the pseudo-elitist are obsessed with.

For example If i said "Sharp Shooters" by Dead Prez Ft. Talib Kweli was political, You'd say i'm talking clean out of my arse. But technically, it's a political record. Sure the hook might go "I'm one with my gun, I love it like my first son. It protects me and makes sure the Jakes respect me" and Kweli might talk about "Protecting yourself with the illest arsenal possible"

But i see it as a good spin on the 2nd Ammendment...(The thing that says you reserve the right to own a **** load of guns provided you're not a threat to society...Gee, here's me thinking anyone with a gun is a potential threat to society. But i digress...)

Anytime i've recommended that track to anyone, They've told me..."I mean a political record. Like Immortal Technique kinda stuff" Which has brought me to a sweet conclusion. People don't like politics in music, They like the idea of politics in music. Never has it been truer than people asking questions like "Where can i learn more about communism?" ...Can i add that in quite a few cases, These are the same people who have idolised rap about money...

To put into perspective...I've heard someone spit the lyric "Don't wear skinny jeans cos my knots don't fit" REPEATEDLY then tell me "I'm down with Immortal Technique's politics. He's about the people, I hear that"

Thanks for reading (:...I'm gonna go watch "A League Of Extroardinary Gentlemen"..Again.

Cap out.

Sunday, 18 January 2009

So i was thinking....

I was thinking... last night about knowledge. Why its pursued so relentlessly, Why many people are offended by it. Why it seems to depress those who have such vast amounts of it.

Then i realised...Knowledge is poison. Not in the sense that it will hurt you in anyway...but it's not pure. And to me the opposite of purity is poison. (Kinda where the whole Anthrax thing came from) There i said it.

I'm gonna read you a little extract from one of my trillion notebooks/post its/blank pages.

"If all knowledge has a a source, And all men(and women) are inevitably biased. Then all sources are biased. The only knowledge that is truely pure is knowledge of self...But who we are is shaped by our surroundings. **** just doxed myself. Anyway... And our surroundings are in no way representative of us. - "We are products of our environment".

Oh and i watched "The Matrix" this afternoon. And i got thinking about truth too and how people aren't neccesarily afraid of it, But distracted FROM it...And i stumbled across a deep line by one of my favourite british MC's "Klashnekoff".

" Leave you stiff , The world stands uncontaminated with biological hatred. It's Blatant, Morpheus tried to show you in "The Matrix. But were you watching the beanie or clocking for the agents?. - It's from the Track "parrowdice" by Terra Firma. -

Speaking of Klashnekoff...

This track is called Murda... - and its ****ing fire. It's a few years old though..I don't think i had facial hair when it was released.

"Infiltrate your border like ITN reporters then return with the slaughter - Captured on Camcorder. I'm trapped in a damn corner. Chattin to Pandora about boxing her man for her"

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

If you're gonna criticise. At least aim right.

The only thing worse than someone trying to dispute the musical/poetic merit (to me) of hip hop is someone using examples of an artist(s) who isn't hip hop to dispute its musical/poetic merit.

I've never judged rock by the Jonas Brothers,(Inbefore "THE JONAS BROTHERS AREN'T ROCK).

Soulja Boy isn't hip hop. - Yeah. Thought so.

Initially, I thought that when someone criticised a genre, It was based on them listening to it and forming a conclusion based on what they'd heard. But really, All it is, is them going to the worst possible source of that music and making a judgement based on that. I find it even funnier that people who criticise hip hop and like another genre tend to have hilarious taste in that genre (See it pays to diversify your music taste).

"Rap sucks dude. It's all fake. You should go listen to metal" - Gaffot no. 1

"O RLY? Recommend me a band" - Me.

"Trivium are the best metal band ever. Go listen to them."

"Bud. You're kicking the word fake at me? Even though you not only listen to, But idolise a band that are nothing but metallica on steroids?."

".....Yeah whatever dude. Rap sucks".

See. Its easy to neuter the credibility of a fool's argument once you pull up a little background.